I began this post prepared to write about another summer adventure. I had promised to write about my summer shenanigans and provide y’all with the insight that God gave me at each leg of the journey. So, I wrote about how God spoke to me in Tennessee at the bottom of a waterfall, when He told me, “You are someone that I love dearly.”
I moved on to my trip to Mackinac Island, Michigan where I experienced the grandeur of the Grand Hotel (accurately named, trust me!). Here, God spoke to the part of my heart that feels unworthy when He told me, “You are royalty because your Father is the King of kings.”
As my boyfriend, his family, and I made our way back down the Mitten State to the small town in Michigan where they live, I experienced almost two months just living life with them. We completed projects around the house, shared meals together, worshipped together, laughed together, and much more. In those “mundane” moments, God spoke to me about choices. He showed me that love, forgiveness, and relationships in general are all a choice. He showed me that “perfect” relationships do not exist, but that with Jesus, I can choose to have the best relationships possible with those He has put in my daily path.
The next stop on my summer adventure was Campfire Cabin in Blue Ridge, Georgia.
I was there with my boyfriend, Mitchell, and my best friend, Megan, and her husband, Joseph. We talked, laughed, shriveled like prunes in the hot tub, ate good food, and shared a wonderful four days together. Mitchell and I hiked while they kayaked, and as we like to do, we try to find the hikes with the most beautiful waterfalls. I remember standing on top of one such waterfall, looking out over God’s creation, and thinking to myself…
As I stand here looking out over the great unknown, my life feels a lot like looking out over this waterfall. There are so many unknowns that are present in my life. I wish I had the answers to them, and the “waiting” is driving me crazy… but maybe, just maybe, I can rest in Jesus just like this creation before me is resting in its Savior.
Since that time on top of that waterfall, I have experienced a wrestling with God. I’ve said things to God that I am ashamed of and wish I could take back. These words have come from a raw place of immense hurt and confusion. Why, God? I have echoed Martha’s sentiments in Luke 10:40,
“Lord, don’t You care…?”
I believe in God, and I have a relationship with Him… but I was having a difficult time reconciling my view of God and the painful things that were and are happening in my life.
I have found myself sobbing… crying out to God… Lord, don’t You care? I’m your daughter. Don’t You care?
Fast forward to this past week, still in the midst of hurt and confusion, still asking God for an explanation, a direction, guidance, anything… I flipped to Song of Solomon in my Bible. In that book, I taped a pretty special piece of paper to the top of the page that contained the third chapter. This paper was given to me by Mitchell, and it had “promises” written on it that he had given me. With these written promises, he gave me a special ring–a ring his father had given his mother whenever Mitchell was born. Not only do I have that ring that I wear on a dainty, gold chain around my neck, but I have these written promises. I love to turn to them in my Bible and read them every so often.
For whatever reason, when I turned to that page in my Bible and opened the letter, the ink was gone! There were no words on the page! I gasped in disbelief because I knew the words had been there just days before!
I still do not have an explanation as to why the ink was gone, but I could still see the indentions in the paper of the words he had written. In an effort to keep the sentimental document, I traced over the indentions in the paper so that I could see the promises once again.
In that moment, God spoke to me. I was at a moment in my life when I felt like the promises that God has made to all of His children in His Word were not evident in my life. Just like the letter, those promises from my Heavenly Father had seemed to disappear, vanish right before my eyes!
But God said, “Macey, just because You can’t see these promises right now does not mean that I’m not for you… does not mean that I’m not walking along side you in this difficult time… does not mean that I do not care for you. My promises will remain because I will continue to be faithful even if you cannot see these promises or My faithfulness tangibly. Hold on My child. You will see these promises and My faithfulness come to pass. Just hold on, My beloved. I care about you deeply, so deeply that I suffocated and died on a cross to spend eternity with you. Never doubt my love for you.“
Sometimes, in life, God’s promises and His faithfulness seem to disappear. We go through immensely painful times, and we wonder where God is. But even when there seems to be no evidence of these promises, we need to do what I did with Mitchell’s promises.
We need to go to God’s Word, find His promises, and write them down. Personalize them. Post them where we will see them often. Here’s an example from the verse that I used this past week:
“For I know the plans that I have for you, Macey, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you, Macey, a future and a hope.”
Even in the midst of the toughest of times, the indentions of God’s promises are still there. Let’s fill those indentions in with ink and cling to the love and faithfulness of the God who died to know us.
Thank you for walking with me on this journey, friends. Thank you for bearing with me as I grow in my Christian walk.