To the girl who feels worthless,
I hear you.
I see you.
I counsel you.
I truly empathize with you because…
At times… I am you.
In the society in which we live, it’s hard to feel worthy, valuable, good enough, and loved—especially as women. One scroll through Facebook and Instagram and the single woman is met with pictures of those who are getting engaged or married or having children… the unhappily married woman is met with pictures of those who seem to have the perfect marriage, whose spouse seems to be their very best friend… the infertile wife is met with baby announcements and cute Spring family photographs… the woman who feels that she has no friends sees “check ins” of other girls who are eating out together and enjoying each other’s company…
The list could literally go on and on just with the one thousand or less “friends” that we have on our personal profiles. However, as we go outside of our own social circles, we are met with celebrities who can go on fancy, expensive vacations; have financial freedom to live as they wish; and who have that perfect body that we crave while drinking their third cup of calorie-loaded coffee.
As if our normal, day-to-day living wasn’t enough, some of us have walked through tragedies that make us feel or have made us feel these same emotions and think these same thoughts: “You’re worthless. You’re nothing. You’re not good enough. No one loves you.”
I have found that almost 100% of the girls that I counsel every day and almost 100% of the “girl” friends that I have in my life struggle with feeling unworthy, invaluable, not good enough, and unloved. I know that I have recently struggled with these emotions and continue to struggle with them because of tragedies that I’ve been through… but also because I’ve been trying to establish worth, value, and love in someone or something other than God… and those things or people are letting me down. Hear me when I say this, they will ALWAYS let you down. We were created to have a relationship with our Creator, and only He can provide the worth, value, and love that will be fulfilling to us.
Jeremiah 2:13 says, “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water.”
For far too long, I have been forsaking the Living Water that would provide me with all of the worth, value, and love I need with broken cisterns… romantic relationships with ungodly men… friendships placed on too high of pedestals… and they haven’t satisfied. They’ve left me more broken than when I started.
You would think that, when I accepted salvation, my days of drawing water from broken cisterns would be over… my days of shedding tears over others’ perceptions of me would be no more… my days of seeking the opposite of Christ-like love would be finished.
But here I am, seven years later, still drawing from a well that has run dry.
Just a few days ago, I finally cried out to God and asked Him why I felt the way that I did, why I was struggling so much with viewing myself with confidence and viewing myself as a worthy and valuable and loved daughter of God… why I felt as if I didn’t deserve the good things that He has planned for me in life.
Matthew 7:24-27 “Everyone then who hears these words of Mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
The reason why I feel unworthy, invaluable, not good enough, and unloved is because my foundation and source of these emotions was like a house built on sand. It will stand for a while, but eventually, a storm will come that will make the house fall. The only way that I can stand is for my foundation and source to be built on THE Rock, Jesus.
He brought me to the verses that I have included and many others that said: Your source of worth, value, and love has been inadequate and has run dry. Let Me be your Source, and your well won’t run dry again.
I want to share some of the verses that He brought to my mind in my quiet time with Him:
When you feel worthless
“But now this is what the Lord says—He who created you, Jacob, He who formed you, Israel: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.’”
“Yet I will not forget you. Look, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands…”
“For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began. God, how precious Your thoughts are to me; how vast their sum is! If I counted them, they would outnumber the grains of sand…”
“Blessed be the Lord! Day after day He bears our burdens; God is our salvation. Our God is a God of salvation, and escape from death belongs to the Lord my Lord.”
“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”
When you don’t feel good enough
2 Corinthians 3:5-6a
“It is not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God. He has made us competent…”
2 Corinthians 12:9
“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.’ Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me.”
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
“But now in Christ Jesus, you who were once far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.”
When you feel unloved
“But God proves His own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with Christ even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace!”
“The Lord your God is among you, a warrior who saves. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will be quiet in His love. He will delight in you with singing.”
1 John 3:1
“See what great love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children—and we are!”
“But You, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love and truth.”
God will send who you need at just the right time.
I want to encourage you to identify a friend or friends who can walk alongside you and lift you up—Godly friends who love the Lord and love you and will pray for you. If you don’t feel like you have one of those, then pray for some.
I have many of these kinds of people—some who have been my friends for over twenty years. They provide love and guidance and Godly wisdom. They pray for me… how awesome to think that there are people out there who are praying to the Creator of the universe on your behalf?!
I have to praise God, though, for a recent friend that He has brought into my life… a Godly man who is becoming one of my close friends. I wrote this about this friend just today: “God has brought ______ into my life and shown me how a godly man should treat any lady, but especially a significant other. Not only has he shown me how a godly man should treat a lady, but he has shown me that such a man exists. And if this godly man exists, then I can trust God that one exists out there for me… whoever he may be… whether I know this man right now or not. He has helped me to see my worth and value IN CHRIST and to truly believe that I deserve a godly man and the very best that God wants to give me. He has been a wonderful friend and leads me closer to the Lord. Yet even with his help and godly advice, there are times when I feel abandoned and alone… unworthy and invaluable. In those times, especially, help me to solely rely on You, Lord.”
Pray for these types of friends, but don’t make them your cisterns. Rely on the Living Water and the Well that will never run dry. Jesus loves you and cares for you so much, and you are…
because you are the DAUGHTER of the KING.